com·mu·ni·ca·tion . noun . /kəˌmyo͞onəˈkāSHən/ : the act or process of using words, sounds, signs, or behaviors to express or exchange information or to express your ideas, thoughts, feeling, etc., to someone else (merriam-webster dictionary)
I will be the first to admit that I am one who struggles a little with this topic. In situations that require a fight or flight response, especially in a moment of being vulnerable and hurt….I definitely choose flight. Immature? Yes, definitely and something that I need to work on e-v-e-r-y-d-a-y, especially in my marriage.
You’re probably wondering, what’s my point in all this serious talk? It’s Wedding Wednesday and we’re supposed to talk about flowers, and dresses, and table settings….hair and make up….all things fabulous and magical. Right? Well yes, technically we should but today I’m not. Today I’m ditching the sparkling white dresses & spring flower bouquets to talk about a very REAL LIFE topic when it comes marriage.
I’ll be completely honest with you. I had a crappy night last night due to my lack of communication skills. My husband and I made a decision on a subject, only to later realize that only one of us agreed with the actual decision. It sucked, there were tears, hurtful things were said, and it was all due to fact that I can’t communicate with “grown up” words…..yes I still may be a little bitter. But regardless, it was a whole situation that could have been completely avoided, had we communicated!!
So now let me show where you fall into this scenario….You found your Perfect Guy, you guys dated, your first kiss was the kiss of all kisses, you fell in love (maybe at first sight….because I believe it 😉 ), he proposed, and now you’re eagerly planning for your wedding! I am more than excited for you….seriously! These are some on the best times of your life and ones that you will never forget.
As this whole process begins, there comes somewhat of a blissful viel that falls over the bride’s and groom’s eyes. Yes you may enoucter some tiffs regarding the guest list, seating arrangements, and then the last minutes stress jitters….but for the most part it’s a blissful ride down to the altar. I mean COME ON…you’re marrying the man of your dreams and living your version of “Happily Ever After”!!!
But have you guys really had to communicate? Yes you guys have worked through your possible disputes of where to live, breaking old selfish habits (like staying up late reading a book and then going to bed early the next night leaving no room for quality time), deciding whether or not you’ll have a dog…etc. But have you guys talked about when you really want to have kids? Did just breeze on the subject and decided to figure it out when the time came? How many kids do you want to have? How will you raise your kids? Have you communicated on how involved you want your relatives to be in your kid’s lives? How much time is appropriate to spend with family? How are you going to separate time evenly spent with both sides of the family? How much time is too much? Not enough? What roles will the wife play in the house? What roles will the husband play? Who will take out the trash? Who will do the dishes?
Have you thought about any of these things? It may just be me and my lack of life lived, but I never did. As little and simplistic as some of these things seem, it can turn into a monumental obstacle in your marriage. Everyone has their own opinion and just because you two are soul mates, doesn’t mean you may agree on every single thing. Are you able to communicate to each other and work to a solution?
Communication. Ladies, we’ve got to learn to COMMUNICATE. Guys can’t read our emotions like we read each others….they are sometimes (I say this lovingly) utterly clueless and need to be told. And if you are feeling something deep down inside, JUST SPEAK IT! Learn to find you voice and speak your opinion because running the opposite directions just pauses problem momentarily. It’s time to learn how to use your “grown up” words 😉
In light of sharing from my personal life and struggles I want to set the record straight. I love my husband more than anything in the entire universe and marrying him was the BEST decision I ever made. The day that we got married was the day I felt like I was finally living my life. I wouldn’t trade a single day with him, for all of the riches in the world because he is my everything.
Cheers to using “grown up” words and many martinis in the process 😉